R.I.P Pretentious Social Butterfly Bitch

Some friends drove down into town last weekend. They invited me to party with them. I came up with a great excuse. I’m the best liar I know, by the way. I only lie when absolutely necessary. But I’m digressing here. I just couldn’t stand the idea of having to spend a greater part of the night with the same guy, mentioned in the previous post, whose guts I hate. I also couldn’t plaster a fake smile on my face and be pretentious for five hours straight. I’d rather pull my hair out of my skull.

I do not like ‘socialising’ or ‘partying’. There I said it. It’s finally out in the open. I’m 23 and I’ve officially outgrown the ‘Social Butterfly’ phase I went through two years back. I can’t do it anymore. The whole meeting up at a bar, kissing in the air, greeting each other with fake smiles, having a few drinks, proceeding to get smashed at an after party and waking up in your own bed without a single recollection of the previous night is passé and stale for me. Not my scene.

I’d rather rent a movie and watch it with my favourite girls, drink beer and chat. Better still, cuddle up with Baafs. I have the freedom to be myself instead of this pretentious bitch I transform into when I’m placed with a crowd of people I barely know and who are as important to me as the moth that flies in and out of my window. This pretentious bitch has the capability of making small talk, kissing in the air, socializing and keeping her drinks down. This pretentious bitch is genuinely fond of only a handful of people who she will stick to, the majority of the night. She will tell you ‘Your dress looks lovely’ when she actually thinks it makes you look as attractive as a potato. She will gossip about the people you hate. She will laugh at your rather pathetic jokes. She will kiss you on your cheek and say goodbye to you, all the while hoping to see you only after a really long span of time.

I have to admit, there has been many nights when I’ve actually enjoyed myself. This happens when I have been me and not the pretentious bitch. Trust me. You’ll definitely know the difference. It also helps if Baafs is around. His absence is something I have to deal with without having to turn into a recluse. Therefore I turn to close friends now for fun nights out. Personally though, I’d rather I lock up the pretentious bitch in a room and throw away the key. I certainly don’t want to meet her. Would you? So R.I.P Pretentious Social Butterfly Bitch. You won’t be resurrected until the next time I’m in a crowd full of people I don’t know.

xoxo

P

In the eyes of the beholder

A few years back when I had returned to Calcutta for the winter holidays, I visited a parlour discovered by my mother. The biggest tradition for a true blue Calcuttan during the month of December is to attend the 24th Eve X'mas Party held at the Tollygunge Club. Like any smart, female parlour visitor, I decided to put myself through the torture of being fluff free for the occasion, a few days before the event, to prevent appearing blotched from the RED, HOT wax.

For those who have seen and know my mother, you already know by now that she's really pretty. She's the personification of the phrase 'Bengali Beauty'. And for whatever reason, I do not look at all like her. I know that. You know that. I also do not need to be told the obvious. But can you imagine what I felt, when the waxing attendant at the parlour blatantly asked me - 'Are you sure you're your mother's daughter?' Needless to say she didn't get the tip she was expecting nor did I pay for the service rendered to me since the manager of the parlour got more than just a earful from me. What?! I'm usually a paying customer and a great tipper. But did you honestly expect me not be angered by such a statement from this complete stranger?

The only reason why I remember this incident so clearly is probably because it was the first time in my life that I wanted to shed my own skin and come out fair and beautiful - a xerox copy of my mother. Since then, I have had this feeling every time somebody has a similar comment to make. Even a few days back, this guy I know (who's guts, by the way I hate) asked me - 'Your mom is soooo pretty. Where the hell did you come from?' This incident, on the other hand, was the first time I did not react.

Want to know why? I realised then that 'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'. And if the beholder thinks I'm not pretty or beautiful because I do not look like my mom, then it's pretty unfortunate for him/her. Because the beholder is BLIND. :-)

xoxo

P

De-virginising the Blogger in me

This is my first time. And like other first times, I'm scared and apprehensive. Yet curious to know what lies ahead. Since this blog is about me and my opinions, you should get to know me and figure out where, why and how my opinions generate themselves onto this page. Proceed at your own risk.

• I'm insecure. When I meet you for the first time, I'm most likely to shy away or say hi and get to know you or ignore you or widen my eyes in awe of you or just be plain rude. The above reactions depend on the vibe I pick up from you.
• I've been through shit at an early age. The kind of shit people try and avoid for as long as they can or deal with very late in their lives. It's made me who I am now.
• I'm frank and I say it like it is. Only with the people I care about. I try to be diplomatic otherwise.
• I cannot stand betrayal of any kind. You will NOT be forgiven. You will be immediately cut out from my life. No exceptions to this rule.
• If I'm wrong, I accept the fact I'm wrong.
• I'm very loyal. Both to friends and foe. I am the most loyal friend. If I do not like you, be rest assured I will NEVER like you.
  
• I can be the most indecisive creature on the face of this planet, yet at the same time I know what I want when it comes to the other, more immediate, more important things in life.
• I have the ability to cry and laugh at the same time. It's true. You should ask Baafs.
• Before asking Baafs, you might want to know who's Baafs? He's the only person in the world who knows, accepts and understands me in and out. He's the only person in the world who can handle 'neurotic' me. He knows where I come from and where I'm going. Moreover he loves me. He's the only person in the world who MAY just end up with having to put up with me n my quirky self for the rest of his life. You should wish him the very best of luck when you meet him next.
  
• I do not have favourite colours or books or movies or actors or actresses etc. So don't ask me.
• Do not ask me when I'm going to get married. I will most likely throw a shoe at you. I'm 23. Not raised to be a housewife. My priority is my career. So be careful next time you think about asking me the above question.
• Manufacturing babies freak me out. Nish, I don't know how you did it. Do not tell me until I ask.
• I make mistakes and learn from them. The moving on period is tough. But when you finally do move on, you'll realise that past incidents and experiences are the best things that have happened to you because they have brought you where you are now.
• I'm a dog-lover. I have a springer spaniel called Apache. I love him to pieces. I fear he does not feel the same.
• I know what I want out of my life and I'm working towards just that.
• If you belong to my past, you will stay right there.
• I wish I could erase my life in college for many reasons and at the same time I do not want to do so for an equal number of reasons. See - indecisiveness. Sigh!
  
• I have only a handful of girlfriends who I can truly open up to. You know who you are. I realise you've had to put up with a lot. I appreciate you for that.
• I am Bengali. I'm fond of many things Bengali. But I do not relate to being a Bengali.
  
• I love couture. I don't think I'll be able to afford it now. I hope to soon.
• I have a fetish for shoes and bags and clothes and make-up and jewellery. My passions. I'm not ashamed of it. It does not mean I'm superficial.
  
• I love dressing up.
  
• I'm thirsty for success. At the same time I'm too darn lazy.
• I despise hypocrites. I hunt them down and shoot them.
• I have an awful temper. I'm trying to control it. But when I flare up, head for cover.
• I love the two extremes of sweet and sour, ie extremely sweet/sour
• I dislike drugs.
• I love food. I'll eat anything if it's not alive and wriggling.
  
• The kind of music I listen to depends on my mood. (I love Rod Stewart)
• I have some nasty habits. I am not stupid enough to tell you about them.
• I share a love-hate relationship with my mother.
• I adore my dad and wish he didn't have to have such a troublesome daughter.
  
• I love staying by myself in my own home. I fear I'm getting used to it.
• I can make adjustments easily.
  
• I am not attached to places. I am attached to people and memories and moments.
• I secretly love x-rated humour. It's not a secret any more.
• I have various kinds of laughs. Only one person knows them all.
  
• My life currently revolves around my B-school, Baafs, my family and my closest friends.
• Baafs! I love you more than anything else in the world.

I stand before you naked. You should know me inside out by now. I may have forgotten to mention a few things here. I'm human. So sue me. Hope to see you soon. Until next time...Au Revoir!!!

xoxo

P