Sellotaped Hearts

I have spent many hours over the phone with T, M and N analyzing and dissecting what people have said to me, what they meant by saying that to me, why did they have to do something like that etc. Post endless hours of trying to find answers to questions, I would have still been left without a concrete answer. I have also in turn been agony aunts for friends with similar issues, giving THEM perspective, calming THEM down.

End result of the above activity - zero answers, high cell phone bills, exhausted voices, tired brain cells.

When did we get so damn complicated?

We gossip. We bitch. We laugh behind people’s backs. We talk behind people’s backs. We betray. We hurt. We hurt others. We scheme. We counter-scheme. We cry. We make others cry. We run in the rat race. We are the rats. We make lots of money. We make others lose lots of money. We are hollow. We make others hollow. We watch our backs. We stick a knife through other backs. We protect a few backs. But let other backs be knifed. We steal. We kill. We invade. We go to war. We want world domination. We want control. We lose control. We are fake. We don’t live. Just exist. Off each other. Like parasites.

I’m tired. Of the above and more.

If there exists, life after death in a place called Heaven, I’m pretty darn sure God would point a finger at us, let out a scornful laugh and say ‘Ha! You fools. Look at how much of time you wasted doing stupid things to get stupid things. Your money and wealth is useless here. Ha! Ha! Ha! What idiots!’

I wonder what it would be like to live in the Garden of Eden with Adam, minus the serpent and the tree that gives knowledge of good and evil.

Unfortunately reality beckons me. There is yet another phone call to answer, another teary eyed friend to console, another broken heart to mend. Since spending these endless hours, attempting to help in anyway, is what makes us truly humane.

xoxo

P

On Verge of Insanity, before the Doorway to the ‘Real World’

Do you have a plan for your life?

I don’t think I do. And by plan, I mean those concrete one, with dated goals and head notes and foot notes, the works basically as far as a plan is concerned.

I mean there are many things I would love to have happen with my life. There are things that I am doing to work towards it.

But my question here is, Should you chart out your life?

Like make chronological goals, eg by ‘this age’ I should be at ‘this postion’ at the career front and earning ‘so much’, or I should be married by ‘so and so’ age, and have ‘so many’ kids by ‘this age’.

Is it safe being with a plan or without it?

If you’re without a plan, should life be taken one day as it comes?

If you’re with a plan, what happens when after all your planning, your life takes you in a completely different direction than you planned it to go?

What happens then?

Do you crumble and fall apart or chuck the previous plan, hit the desk again and work on a new blueprint?

What if the new blueprint fails too?

Should I have expectations, hopes and dreams if I don’t have a plan to achieve the same?

Or should I not have a plan and not have any expectations, hopes and dreams?

What is the right equation here?

Where is the key to answers of my questions?

I’m on the brink of student life. I have one foot on either side of the line between the blissful student life and the ‘real’ world.

I’m drowning trying to find the right answer to these questions. (If at all, this ‘right’ answer exists)

Throw me a life jacket someone.

xoxo

Ramblings of a confused 23 year old!

Ode to Ctrl-Alt-Del

If I could use the Delete button with my life,
All my bad memories would not be in rife.
I would have a song on my lips,
Instead of a heart that rips,
At the thought of those bad memories in rife
If I could not use the Delete button with my life.

If I could use the Delete button with my life,
My alter ego and I would not be in strife.
I would have the ability to be who I am,
Instead of being in a jam,
When my alter ego and I are in strife
If I could not use the Delete button with my life.

Environmental Adversities

I saw something that caught my interest today. A white couple bicycling down M.G. Road. They were oblivious to the blatant stares that were shot their way. They were in India. Everyone stares at foreigners here. Even I will admit doing the same occasionally. I may be educated and well-mannered, but I still have some amount of the 'Indian' mentality.

However in this case, I wasn’t staring because they were foreign. I found it weird that they would choose to bicycle down M.G.Road of all roads in Bangalore. The largest amount of pollution is emitted from that one road in the city. So why on earth would anyone in their right senses do something like that?

If you’re riding around in Cubbon Park with lush green, overcast foliage or with Ulsoor Lake on one side, I’ll understand. But in peak afternoon heat, traffic and pollution, I’d label you crazy.

They might have been environmentalists, wanting to prove a point. Who knows? They were still damaging their health in their effort to save the environment.

What confounds me here is the reason behind the choice they made- showing others how to save the environment while risking their own health.

Then again, maybe they were just plain batty.

For the time being however, I shook my head in disbelief, contempt and cynicism. Simultaneously my auto driver cranked up his lever, started his vehicle which bellowed out smoke into the atmosphere, proceeded to sing loudly to the tunes his radio blasted out, and spat out from his mouth a large blob of saliva combined with the remnants of his chewed up paan.

The idiosyncrasies of life.

xoxo

P